How do you Pompidou? Paris
The Palace of Versailles wonderland
Chess, Montmartre, Paris
Bastille Day from the 16th Arrondissement
The Louvre, Paris
The Best Bars In London…
Is a list not likely to include Wimbledon’s edition of chain club Po Na Na, “consistently voted one of the worst clubs in Europe” according to Putney local and clearly poor choice of club tour guide, Jamie.
There is a whole lot wrong with Po Na Na, without even addressing the whole Po Na Na/Punanni situation. When you enter, having waited 20 minutes and been effectively robbed by the doorman (a cool £16 cover charge) you’re forced to navigate a cave bursting with munted, sunburnt lizards straight from Wimbledon’s Henman Hill. This apparently, is the only place in a 5km radius you can go after the tennis no matter how many Pimms you’ve had nor how much of your dignity you left at the Rose and Crown Pub on the way.
Any dreams you had of that cover charge going toward an international DJ are dashed when you are almost assaulted by aggressive, yet impressively rhythmic fist pumping to Calvin Harris and his comrades. And although that is so 2010, this IS the kind of hopeless place where one finds love, at least that’s the impression I got from the 20-somethings grinding on my back for the entire duration of ‘Sexy Bitch’.
The clever use of floor to ceiling mirrors on all walls momentarily tricks you into thinking you’re at a palatial club in Berlin, until you realise you’ve seen That Guy for the 15th time, in fact, you’ve seen him 15 times from at least 3 angles at once. Luckily for those prone to heatstroke, the bar offers genuine relief from the claustrophobia. The drinks are strong and cold, and the bar staff friendly and quick on the list of exotic house cocktails. While idle bar chit-chat occasionally breaks through the blanket of hectic beatz, any use of wit or sarcasm will be lost resulting in awkward, earnest conversations- at least that was my experience. So if you want to pick up, this place is for hips not lips and the dance floor WANTS YOU.
After milking our £16 dropping it in response to it being hot, and witnessing the live prologue to next seasons Teen Mom: UK Edition in the girls bathroom, it was time to admit defeat and get the fuck out of there. With our faith in humanity and sodium levels depleted, at the top of our hierarchy of needs was “chicken”, so we headed down the street to Kafe Karahi, a humble father/son operation who in an unlikely turn of events delivered an exceptionally flavoursome chicken burger.
In summary PoNaNa is genuinely rubbish, but when is the highlight of my night not getting a chicken burger at 4am? It was never going to win.
Po Na Na 1/10
82 The Broadway, Wimbledon, London SW19
Kafe Karahi 9/10
72 The Broadway Merton, London SW19